Relationships: The Making

Last week we discussed relationships in all forms, from friends, to dating, to fiancees, to spouses. It was a pretty good talk between those who are married giving advice, and those who are single offering their insights. One thing especially that we talked about is the Relationship Attachment Module, and I will do my best to demonstrate what it looks like. There are five vertical parallel lines in a row and each one has a word below it. The first one is Know, the second is Trust, the third Rely, the fourth Commit, and the last Touch. On the first line, Know, that should be the highest, meaning you should know someone in any relationship, even the friend relationship, more than any of the other things on the list. Second, Trust, so you shouldn't trust someone more than you know them, but you should trust them more than you rely on them. Third, you should rely on someone more than you commit, and you should commit more than you have touch. This is why a relationship that goes the other way, with mostly physical touch and then commitment doesn't often work as well, because both involved don't know someone. Or you may trust and commit to someone you don't know. Some great ways to know someone is to have togetherness. You have got to take time to get to know a person in many different ways, through different activities. That is so especially true when dating, courting, and getting married. When you can, you need to talk. You need self disclosure. Each person reciprocates how much the other gives, and as any relationship deepens, so too can the conversation and level of self disclosure. Finally, time. This seems like a given, but ties in to the other two. Time must be spent together to improve a relationship. That could be phone calls and Skype or Facetime, but preferably face to face, same room stuff. As a small afterthought, physical appearance does play a part in relationships, and that is quite fine. As long as you don't base stereotypes or other negative connotations to someone's physical traits, then all is well.